I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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