I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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