I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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