and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
