The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
