Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
