ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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