I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
a search helicopter?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
