The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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