I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
