How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
