No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
