Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
