he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
