I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
