I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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