I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
