Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
