i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you bring me the toilet please
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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