As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
