I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
