My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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