i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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