so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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