Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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