look no pants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
