You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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