i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
