I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
