if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize