Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
