so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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