Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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