Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
