and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
