I am in a vortex of obligation.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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