the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
