Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize