Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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