So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
