I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
