tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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