Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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