if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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