I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
