Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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