I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
