I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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