He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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