when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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