escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
