we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you would pick up someone in the library
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
