If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
