Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
