She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
