I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
