So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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