Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
