What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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