They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
