Don't make out with my wife yet
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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