I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
