My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
