He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
