Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
