I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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