we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
