If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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