Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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