your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
