I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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