i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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